Sunday, July 23, 2017

Stuttering, Hiccups, and Swirling Waters

Yes, I believe every word of this scripture. It has been a lifeline of hope for me during my lifetime, especially in recent weeks.
Faith. The foundation of our walk with God begins with faith. And hope. And trust. Even when circumstances in life shake us to our very core . . . we cling to the Lord, trusting that He has everything under control.
Moses and I have become best buddies in the last couple of months. I feel like I understand him a little better than I did previously. Moses was a man who was selflessly devoted to the Lord, but he knew his weaknesses. He struggled with anger. He knew that God was going to use him to deliver the children of Israel out of bondage, but he didn't know how. He felt insecure and inadequate. He stuttered. He asked God to choose someone else.
How did Moses go from that to standing before Pharaoh and exclaiming boldly, 
"Let my people go!" No stuttering there!
And then to this at the parting of the Red Sea . . .   

"Fear not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord which He will show you today."
Again, no stuttering. Moses, knowing himself all too well and understanding his weaknesses, took hold of the mighty hand of God and trusted Him. He took God at his word and realized that God was doing the delivering. Moses did not part the waters, God did. Moses was His servant. And God strengthened him and used him.
While I don't suffer with a speech impediment, I do realize that sometimes in life there are hiccups. And it's not the end of the world. Hiccups slow down our ability to talk and interfere with us being able to communicate clearly, but - not to worry - our full voice of clarity and confidence will return.
As I tried to explain in my last post, the past 4 years have been incredibly difficult for me. As I have struggled to know the will of God in my life, I have been "hiccupping" all over the place.
"God, I miss my kids and my grandbabies."
"God, should I move to Chicago?"
"God, should I stay in Springfield?"
"God, should I get a new job?"
"God, I don't know what to do."
"God, I'm so confused."
"God, please just tell me what to do and I'll do it."
And guess what? God was silent. God was never far, but He was silent.
And I just figured it out 2 weeks ago. God was asking me what I wanted to do.
I've always had a tender heart regarding the things of the Lord, and I just wanted Him to give me clear direction as to what I was to do. And all along, God was asking me. In the same way that I want my adult children to be happy, I can't tell them what to do in life anymore. They have to figure it out for themselves. They have to hear God's voice for themselves. And many times, God gives us choices.
I went to Chicago to be near some of my children and grandchildren as well as to help my son with his new church plant. Without going into much detail, the job that I took in Chicago did not turn out exactly as it was presented to me. Working long hours, working every weekend (every weekend), and not at all the pay that I expected. So, I would never see my kids. I would not be able to help with the church. And the most practical aspect of all, there is absolutely no way I would ever be able to live on the income I most likely would earn. This was quite a shock to say the least. So, on a very real level, I need to live. Also, I simply know that I don't belong in Chicago. Staying there longer will not change this simple fact. "Teresa, what do you want to do?" God knew all along.
I belong in Springfield. And I'm not stuttering or hiccupping anymore. My voice is clear and strong for the first time in years. This is where I want to birth the dreams and plans I believe are from God. These dreams are my Promised Land.
I've learned that our journey to the Promised Land is not simply a destination, a geographical location . . . it's a destiny, a calling. God wants to fulfill His purpose in our lives no matter what turns we take in life, and He will always put us back on track. And while it may look like we're at a dead end road, a Red Sea scenario, I do believe that God is swirling the waters. He wants to part the seas and do whatever miracles need to take place in our lives to bring about deliverance. For us individually, and for our families.
Probably one of the hardest things for me during this time is that I don't feel very "courageous" or full of faith. But I'm learning that this is exactly what faith looks like - sometimes spectacular and amazing, sometimes a little messy and confusing. It's a journey. It's the "confidence in what we hope for and the assurance of what we don't see." My theme song for the past 2 weeks has been an old song by Andrae Crouch, "Through It All."
I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consolation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.
I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own.
Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

I'm holding on tightly to the hand of God, keeping my eyes on Jesus, and simply saying, "God, through it all, I trust You." I know that one day all this will make sense.
And so, dear friends, this is the update on my life as God continues to make pearls in this very difficult, emotional, and humbling time of life. I pray that if any of you are also going through similar journeys, you will be encouraged that you're not alone. God is helping all of us in each stage of life - through the stuttering and hiccupping, the swirling waters, and the parting of each Red Sea. We're on our way to the Promised Land.
Thank you so much for reading and for the outpouring of love, support and encouragement. Your prayers and friendship mean the world to me. As always, you are my heart.
With much love and a heart of gratitude,
May The Lord bless you and protect you.
May The Lord smile on you and be gracious to you.
May The Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.
One tiny, precious pearl among many-the product of pain. Conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustment.


  1. Mom, you are a woman of great faith. You always have been! You taught us to seek the Lord always and to trust that His leading in our lives would be clearer than we expect it to be. And it has been! While the Lord was silent in your journey these past four years He was always with you. He was there ready to comfort you when you needed him most and He was there to hold you tightly in his strong daddy arms. I am beyond thrilled that you discovered that Springfield is home and that you can now rest knowing that the Lord's purpose for your life will be fulfilled while maintaining your roots there. You have friends there who love you and a support system available to you there to strengthen you. The answers you gained to your questions over these past four weeks make the journey to Chicago invaluable. You should be proud of yourself for making the journey there! Despite all of your questioning, I have no doubt you did the right thing. Thank you for your transparency to all of us through this process! Your courage and bravery provided an example for everyone watching to follow.
    I'm praying for you as you continue to follow the Lord's direction in your life. I know He will provide for you in every way you need. I love you and I'm so very proud of you!

    1. Thank you so much, Jason! It's a safe place to rest in the arms of Jesus where we can gain insight and fresh perspective. Love you!

  2. Great blog post! We see your faith and it encourages our own. Thank you for putting your heart out there once again.

    1. Thank you so much, my sweet Cortnie. How I am encouraged by your love, support and prayers! We never get too old to walk by faith, right? Love you!

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